5. Love
& Kindness: Love begins within yourself for
yourself and then radiates out to others – Maria Sheridan
When I speak of Love and Kindness here I speak of self-love and being kind to oneself. There is a song written in the Children’s Primary songbook of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that Illustrates what I am saying the Lyrics are: “I want to be kind to everyone for that is right you see. So I say to myself remember this Kindness begins with ME! If you do not love yourself, or are not kind to yourself then you cannot love beyond yourself! When you are kind to yourself and love yourself your love is Universal and you attract the same in return!
I met a Lady in the homeless section of South Dublin Co
Council who initially helped me fill in my registration to Homelessness forms. As
I explained before I was placed in a Hostel that was like something out of the
dark ages “assured” it was emergency accommodation for a few nights only. I met
with a lovely lady who sighed me into the hostel, a procedure that has to take
place so the Co Council can have reference to where you are. After I had been
given my bed linen and had something to eat I was shown by the security guy
where my room was. I was assigned room
6, to be on my own initially but not guaranteed going forward. I’m not joking when I say I walked down
darkened corridors, hearing people shouting and screaming it was terrifying. I didn’t sleep at all that night and cried
the most of the way through till dawn.
Fast forward to Day 6:
Last night another girl was in the room with me, she
informed me she could not afford the rent on her bedsit anymore and so had been
evicted. Although she appeared to be compos mentis She proceeded to tell me
that she was in fact a Human Angel, she said that her power is low right now as
she needs her energy for herself, then she informed me that I had a yellow aura
around me, I looked behind me and the wall was painted yellow, YELLOW PAGES
YELLOW in fact, so I said “would that have anything to do with the fact that
the wall was painted Yellow” she replied ”I did tell you my energy was low” and
In fairness with the exposed light bulb that had no shade it’s what possibly
offset the glow! Again I didn’t sleep and today January 16th I was exhausted. I
had gone to Tara Street Social Welfare exchange and they told me I had to be in
Emergency accommodation for Six weeks before they would entertain an
application for jobseekers allowance SIX WEEKS!!!! What the heck happened to
the “three day rule”, I was between angry and very emotionally
exhausted. I later found out that depending on what district your emergency
accommodation is in and therefore what exchange you went to the rules could
differ….Centralisation my foot, the system is NOT ONE for sure!!!
Day 7: January 17th I had to go all over the place today. I went up to South Dublin Co Council to
set my appointment up to get on the emergency housing list. Any one I dealt
with was so nice so helpful I have to say. Whilst waiting for the girl that was
helping me to come along, a girl with a baby or should I say a child with child
was pushing her baby back and forth, she takes a look around the room then says
in almost a whisper " does anyone want any blue T-shirts?, I'm looking at
her bag and wondering "how the heck
would you fit T-shirts into that tiny
bag", she couldn't have them in
the basket under the child's buggy it's full of shopping, my mind was confused
I had no idea where the T-shirts could be. Then it clicked she's talking Drug lingo! Possibly very good I didn't verbalise that
thought!! I later found out they are Valium a sleeping pill!! Not really the
Education path I want to take but an education all the same!
Day 8: 18th January 2012. No funny stories today EXHAUSTED from lack of sleep, I grab my
back pack and head up to my mum n Dads for breakfast and a shower. It's what
keeps me going. Especially when my Dad asks “so what's the plan today”? “What’s
on the schedule? What forms need filling in and where do you need to go? It's
what I needed! Upon my return to the Hostel, I'd gone in as late as I could,
got my linen assigned room 6 again and result no one there....at about 8 minutes
past midnight no joke I looked at my
phone, an unmerciful knock at the door scared me. I heard a man’s voice and
told him he was on the wrong side of the building, then I heard him shout SECURITY.
VERY Hesitantly I opened the door with my shoulder to the door JUST in case it
wasn't security and I had to shut the door in an emergency. It was security with two girls. All I’ll
say at this point is they did drugs in the room, I didn't sleep and I'd had enough, “I no longer had the
strength to follow this through”. Or so I thought.
Day 9: 19th January 2012. Well I'd hit the very bottom I
hadn't slept in 8 days, I was wiped out, I felt useless, I felt like the worst
Mother, the worst friend, the worst everything. I felt of no earthly use and I
thought albeit briefly about how great for everyone it would be if I wasn't
here and why why why? was I putting myself and my family through this, what
could I possibly achieve. It was a very very
dark moment, it was a very selfish desperate moment looking back. When I broke
down in my parents that morning my parents made me call the homeless unit at
south Dublin Co Council, through my tears I told them I couldn't do this any
longer, I couldn't stay another night in that hell hole and it really was a
hell hole, I explained before the dark corridors leading up to the rooms,
screams coming from parts of the house like someone was being tortured, I felt
I was in a scene from the dark ages.
After speaking to SDCC……. that evening I was placed into the arms of Crosscare. Going in that
door and seeing a kind face, how I was welcomed in, how EVERYONE welcomed me in,
I felt more secure and hopeful than I’d felt in a long time. The next day when
I met the Wonderful young woman who was one of the managers, she asked me how I
was and I told her, “Last night I slept”. It’s difficult to comprehend, however in taking the steps
to declare my homeless state, I was in fact being kind to myself, I was beginning
my journey back to myself the me I was happy to be.
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