Taking action

10. Taking action: “The greatest feeling is freedom, the greatest step towards that feeling is action” – Maria Sheridan

“Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time.” - Chinese proverb 

Taking action is very simple. I say that now because it really is, however it requires a little exercise on your behalf.  So here is a little challenge for you……Get yourself a pen and write 10 things you are grateful for and every day write down 10 things you are grateful for, you can expound on the dialogue through a gratitude journal if you wish but it’s not necessary, the memory of why you are grateful can be fun to look back on otherwise just a one liner is sufficient.  If you can’t think of 10 then start with one or two or three or five, but do it and do it now, I promise you sincerely your life will begin to change for the better and the lives of those around you will change, YOU will make a DIFFERENCE.  If you WANT to make a difference in the world, IN YOUR LIFE then this is how it will happen. Start NOW with YOUR attitude of gratitude.

Excerpts from my Journal:

10^th November 2012

Well now I have the former Senator Jack Harte on my tail I CANNOT give up on my dream, I wouldn't anyway! HOWEVER he said to MY mum THAT she's not to be on at me about the book ( like nagging me lol) HOWEVER if she sees me slaking off she's to tell me UNCLE JACK said I've to get up off my butt and get that book written AND to remind myself that I’ll be leaving a legacy for my Grandchildren. I love you Uncle Jack ♥ author of To the Limits of Endurance: One Irishman's War http://www.amazon.co.uk/To-Limits-Endurance-Irishmans-War/dp/1905483279

In the 1930s, Jack Harte (my Uncle Jack) , like so many boys in the rough-and-tumble environment of inner-city Dublin, dreamt of adventure and overseas locations, as featured in the comic books and movies of the day. Unlike most people, though, he was to make a bolt for those distant worlds and daring adventures. After a first failed attempt to run away to join the British army, his second attempt succeeded, with him stowing away on the mail boat to Britain. Lying about his age, he was accepted into the army and, following his initial training, was posted to the strategically important island of Malta. The initial pleasures of the Mediterranean island and its beaches and 'entertainment' areas gave way to the reality of unprecedentedly heavy air raids. Harte would later be transferred to Palestine, where he and his comrades were involved in several clandestine raids. Such activities ultimately saw Harte being selected for the elite Special Boat Service. Harte was captured, and many of the book's most amusing and occasionally disturbing episodes cover the time he was a prisoner of war in a German POW camp. Part coming of age memoir and part war story, Harte's remarkable and often funny tale serves to remind us of the important role played by Irish men and women in the Second World War.

Uncle Jack had gotten typed up my first ever story on Dáil Éireann Paper. I remember the feeling when I received it. I remember the story it was about our holiday our camping holiday in Betws-y-Coed in Wales. I gave the story to a lady Alice Banks a writer with spina bifida whos only way to write was with a rod strapped around her head.  An Incredible lady who inspired what I do today.  I never got my story back, however I never regret what I did with it as a child, “this was for Alice”.

25 December 2012

I haven't written here for a while. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me as we went to feed the homeless, give them some warm clothes and yes a bed in the form of a sleeping bag. One of the first Gents I met “Francis”, was an incredible Man. This week Francis lost his Best Friend. They were living in a Squat together, it was cold, and so he went to make his Friend some Tea, upon his return he found his friend had passed away. My day was filled full of compassion, love, joy, sadness, emotion and heart wrenching Stories, I realised how privileged I am and how much I have now. I don't know that I will ever be able to share what it's truly like to be homeless. For me it was brief and painful enough. I am currently living pay cheque to pay cheque a step up from homelessness in reality, however I feel rich in comparison to where I was. Because today I'm alive, I pushed through those dark days and I'm here now hopefully making a difference. I know yesterday inspired me. These people have names, they have stories they have feelings. As I'm writing this through my tears. I have never felt happier, I have never felt so GRATEFUL. 

Exploring a Journey of Gratitude

9. Exploring a Journey of Gratitude: “I want to keep waking up every day, I want to see more of the world, I want to be alive and discover more of what I can give to my life and the lives of others, I want to explore a Journey of gratitude – Maria Sheridan

 

This gives me the opportunity to share with you some of the emotions I have experienced so far on my journey of Gratitude:Every day when I wake up and take my first breath and I am aware of it, I am grateful for a new day to improve on the last. We all make choices some good some indifferent so it’s great to be blessed with a new beginning every day. The mere fact I can see, hear, smell, taste, walk, have the use of my hands etc. fills me full of Gratitude. My faith, the Church I attend and for the people within that environment who are a great support to me, they are a lifeline. I am so Grateful for that. My amazing family, the fact my parents both are still alive.  My wonderful Sister and Brother-in-law, they gave me my Nephew and Niece. My Beautiful Daughter (Who is serving a Mission for our church The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints often referred to as the Mormon Church…… I’m not a Mormon though I’m a Christian and grateful to be),  whom has been my constant and if she was the only purpose for me being here then I’d do this all for her over and over. My friends near and those of my friends that I know are present even though the miles separate us, I am truly grateful for them, their support and patience are insurmountable. I love you all. I have amazing supportive friends on my Facebook page, lots of people I have yet to meet and I have met some amazing and wonderful people to date, that if it weren't for Facebook I may never have had the honor. I am truly grateful for these amazing people. I am always truly grateful for every opportunity that comes my way.  I am truly grateful for the experience of exploring lots of different avenues even the dead ends. My possibilities for the future are something I like to be grateful for.  Whilst the world around us can get a bit crazy betimes and may even throw us off a little, when I focus on the possibilities of my future husband, my future environment, my friends that I’ll take with me, the traveling I will do, new friends I will make along the way the list is just endless and very exciting.  I love having an attitude of Gratitude. Life is for living and you can only experience true living by HAVING and POSSESSING an attitude of Gratitude. “YOU CAN DO THIS”! 

EXCERPTS from my Journal.

10^th November 2012

I just had this memory as I was leaving my parents’ home just now. It was freezing cold in the January /February evenings during my Bout of Homelessness just as it is tonight. I'd get on the bus in the evening haven eaten a delicious meal. Then I'd catch the bus in Cabra West the 122 and get off in O'Connell Street, walk down Talbot Street past the drug traders and into Amiens Street to my temporary accommodation. I did this for over a Month. Tonight I get the 122 and then I take the Luas/Tram home. If you have ever experienced homelessness then you will appreciate how joyous this is. I AM SO GRATEFUL and don't anyone tell me there is no god because I KNOW there is!! Thanks Mum n Dad for all your support. I know it was as painful for you as it was for me.

16 November 2012

I'm sitting here in my apartment, no TV on, no Radio and no music. All I hear is the sound of Traffic outside I have just been speaking to my mum who heard on the TV about a homeless man that was interviewed, he was told there are no beds left in Hostels tonight, I'm thinking two ways maybe he's better off on the streets also I'm thinking how Blessed I am on a cold damp evening to have my home. I'm so grateful! Spare a thought for the Homeless and do what you can to help.

18 November 2012

Coming up to Christmas everyone starts to see how fortunate or unfortunate they may be, the fortunate ones think of charities they can support and some people truly go out of their way to help but not all do. The unfortunate deal with their plight in various ways sometimes even turning to crime. What are the Government doing to help? I'm not sure there is anything of great significance at all being done? We know that Homeless people don't even have a basic right to even vote. It's been established that not all homeless people are addicts or have mental health problems etc. and yet nothing is being done to accommodate. Does homelessness breed criminals? You bet it does. Does it cause perfectly sane people to break down? Absolutely it does. Does it turn good people bad?  It has done. I'm a pretty strong person. I'm actually more than pretty strong. Looking back in retrospect I'm a walking miracle. I'm grateful for my strength and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to write about my experiences. This Christmas will be a great one for myself, family and friends. But for others not so good. WE have to take responsibility THE GOVERNMENT HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

23 November 2012 

It's a cold brisk Morning in Dublin city but I can't help smile as I think upon the week I have had, it warms me inside to know there are great people out there in the world that do care and do want to help and go out of THEIR way to do so. I sat in Eason’s on O'Connell street this morning and had a Hot Choccy, I was imagining and visualising my book on the stands, I was visualising me signing copies and I was visualising the many people that it will help if anything to make aware and to be grateful for what you have and not focus on what you don’t have.

29 November 2012

I can't really explain why I have this feeling of peace at the moment. I feel so at ease almost to the state that I'm not in control but in a good way. I feel like I'm surrounded by a force field. I have only felt this safe a couple of other times in my life and it was as powerful then as it is today, enough that I recognise I'm being blessed. So to answer the question that was posed to me “how did I become homeless”? I take full responsibility of course I do. It all happened so fast, decisions where being made, I had no control over it seemed and before I knew I was in the Divorce courts having agreed to sign over my part of the family home to my now ex-husband. I stayed with friends, it wasn't working for me I'm so independent and I knew a decision had to be made. My savings were depleting and the work coming in was sparse I was losing more of myself every day. On the 11th January 2012 I signed on the Homeless register.

Simon Community resident Phil sings "Faith" with Glen Hansard, Lisa Hannigan & Friends

I was homeless -- now I'm acting in movies with Anne Hathaway... by my good friend Glen Gannon

http://www.independent.ie/entertainment/movies/i-was-homeless-now-im-acting-in-movies-with-anne-hathaway-26844838.html

It’s my life!

8. It’s my life: “Take Control, make your choices, make them strong and make them last, don’t have regrets, have experiences that help you better your best, you decide, you create, you decide” – Maria Sheridan

Take a stand, don’t let others hedge up your way, choose your company well, choose friends of like-mindedness, those who are also positive. I remember my good friend Dermot Clarke always and still does say to me when he sees me "Fly with the Eagles" Maria and don’t scratch on the Ground with the chickens.  It’s so true we need to choose our friends carefully.  It doesn't matter if they are from Rough or Rich backgrounds, what language they speak, what Religion they are or the colour of their skin or hair for that matter as long as they are supportive towards your hopes, dreams, goals etc. and they are not out to change you in anyway shape or form never expecting you to compromise your own standards, but are there to encourage you towards goodness, towards good people that they are there to help you along your journey towards your success and vice verse you will do the same for them always. You and your circle of friends will be fast forwarded to the road of success and well on the way with Your Attitude of Gratitude.

The Following are excerpts from my Journal

I can't stop thinking about this book I'm in the process writing for the past decade it seems, I can't stop thinking about the information coming my way and advice etc. I know there have been for some time great organisations, great people doing great things, and I give credit to them all and will be mentioning the great work they do and services they offer, the general public and all they do to fund raise, I get all that. So if all that's in place what difference is the book I write going to make? Well I’ll tell you honestly I don't really know, however this I do know having been homeless and speaking to homeless people I would be doing an injustice to those people who have asked me to be their voice, I would be doing myself an injustice by not writing this book because I feel it's what I have been called to do. I'm grateful and honored especially for the trust placed upon me by others. This is not really for or about me, it’s about being, living, giving, gaining, being Alive, giving life, taking responsibly being responsible it’s about realising the bigger picture.

6 November 2012

This Morning there was a lady begging, I couldn't pass her by without putting a smile on her face. For my few pennies I was able to buy a smile. I had the best day ever today. I guess my few pennies bought me more than just a smile.

7 November 2012 via Mobile

I'm tired so I can go to my Bed, I'm cold so I can turn on my heater, I don't have to beg for food, I am not alone I have friends I can trust. I'm living I'm alive. Tonight there are people in alley ways, sleeping rough, sleeping in cold damp dirty flea ridden hostels, people who don't know who to trust. If you are like me then count your blessings, pray for those that long to be as rich as you and then count your blessings again.

8 November 2012

Why Do People Become Homeless?

Many people feel that all homeless people are to blame for their own misery. The very same people tend to believe that there is no way they could they find themselves homeless because they are better than "those people" who have become homeless. The reality is people from all walks of life can become homeless and almost no one is immune from that possibility.

I am going to present a few reasons why people become homeless, reasons that are mostly beyond their control or ability to deal with should I say. I truly hope here to increase empathy towards those less fortunate.

Most people are homeless due to circumstances that have caused them to feel overwhelmed and sometimes out of control, combined with the lack of a family support structure. Generally teens, often become homeless due to an actively hostile, sometimes abusive and hostile, or non-supportive family environment. Other people without friend and family support structure can be upset by events such as domestic abuse, divorce, unemployment, or illness and become homeless too.

I guess what I’m trying to point out is it’s not just the drug addict, the alcoholic or people with mental illness that can end up on the Homeless register there are many causes of homelessness and while I have pointed out a few there are almost as many causes of homelessness as there are homeless people. If you've EVER wondered, "Why do people become homeless?" and what causes homelessness, you've found the right place to visit where you will learn the answers. Homeless in Transition. Have a great weekend Y’all! I know I WILL XxMxX 

Some Links to Some websites of Amazing organisations doing great things to make a difference, people who have helped me:

SVP: http://www.svp.ie/Home.aspx

Focus Ireland :https://www.focusireland.ie/

Simon: http://www.simon.ie/

Crosscare: http://crosscare.ie/

Today is National DE clutter Day:

Donating to charity is a feel-good exercise that extends the life of your unwanted items:

http://nationaldeclutterday.ie/

I Am Worthy

7. I Am Worthy:  A simple however very powerful statement that applies to everyone, “EVERYONE”! “See it, Say it, Believe it, Become it! I AM WORTHY” I AM SOMEBODY! – Maria Sheridan

“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible” - Brene Brown

The only person that can choose an attitude of Gratitude for you is you, and you need to accept and take upon yourself that you are worthy, that you are grateful. Even if you get up in the morning and the only thing you do is put your feet on the ground, you are worthy, you are worthy of a new day, you are worthy of that new life, so CHOOSE to be grateful. When you take a conscious breath, you are worthy.  You are worthy of a GREAT life we all are. We are blessed to be in a free world where we get to choose who, where and what we worship, we are worthy of that. We are worthy to walk down the street if we are blessed with that ability to walk and even if like my blind friend, you have a disability you can turn that into something positive by creating an attitude of gratitude and ability to DO.  Life is for living so live it and smile. Another favourite scripture of mine found in the Bible and is from the book of Proverbs  3:5&6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding: In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.  Marvin J Ashton a great Orator and particular favourite of mine said “without Trust you have nothing”. Trust the spirit within to guide you towards that Attitude of Gratitude, Trust yourself, and Trust the Lord, “TRUST….. CHOOSE IT”.

27 October 2012/ 28 October 2012

First times for everything are part of all our lives, the first steps you take, the first day at school, The first time you cycle a bike, the first time you drive a car, the first time to travel on an airplane, the first time You ate a new to you dish, first time you start a job, the first real kiss, the first time your heart love’s. Firsts are memorable parts of life and growing up. None of us ever envisage the first time being Homeless though. I never envisaged being Homeless but it happened, it happened as quickly as it passed but for some it hangs around for a long time for years and not months. The system is not necessarily or always the problem. The people that make up the system, the politics, and the lack of clarity on information however are. I'm grateful for my experience because now I'm going to be the voice of those who don't have one, who deserve better.

Not so long ago and I'm not proud to say this I was one of those people who made fun of the down n out, telling the jokes and looking down my nose….I was that snob, being cynical about the homeless the long term unemployed etc., what I have learnt is you never ever know what's around the corner and Kama will bite you. Statistics say that some people are only two pay cheques away from being homeless, it has been clarified that in actual fact it’s one paycheck away with most.

As I stated before. I myself became Homeless through a relationship breakdown and a bad set of circumstances. I don't take drugs, I'm not an Alcoholic and I don't have any mental health problems nor learning difficulties. Even so when I was homeless I was on the receiving end of people's ignorance…. it's not very nice, it's hard enough without being stood upon mentally. I want to take this opportunity to apologise to those amazing people who are fighting for their lives and an opportunity live. We all come from the same place and in the eternal realm we are all related. We should take responsibility. 

I had been standing waiting for my tram 27^th October 2012, a guy and girl asked me for some change for a hostel. I said I can give you a number for one. 

I told them my story, my story of my homelessness. The girl told me she's been homeless for over 10 years. She had slept rough and on boats. She turned to drugs after she lost both her parents. She said I'm freezing so I held her hands and rubbed the cold away, I told her I thought she is amazing, that she is still alive, that has to account for something. She smiled and said my name is Julie don't forget me. I said I won't. I had a lump in my throat and held back the tears, I couldn't though, they just fell. Is this another person the system has failed?
I told her she has the power to change but it starts with getting clean of her addictions. She said maybe she could write a book and I of course told her I don't doubt it's within you to do so. I have so much love in my heart even right now for this stranger. I hope she felt that on the day. Julie you are a living legend. Thanks for sharing your story. I’ll fight for you. 
I met Julie Christmas 2013 again and she looked amazing. She assured me she was on the road to getting her own place. I felt so proud of her, I often think of her and others like her. We really have to step up and DO! I'm grateful for that experience. As my friend Ron Mecham Said “think of a homeless person as someone's daughter, mother, father, Brother, son and friend”! WORTHY!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Inner-City-Helping-Homeless/177473812459195

Spirituality and Gratitude

6. Spirituality and Gratitude:  “Cultivate an attitude of Gratitude though soulful thinking and spiritual discovery of self-worth” – Maria Sheridan

Whether in the Christian world or any other world to do with the spiritual discovery of self I believe spirituality does have a huge play in having an attitude of Gratitude.  One of my favourite scriptures in the Bible is from the book of Galatians 5:22,23 & 25 “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith; Meekness, temperance; against such there is no law; If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit”!  That scripture was taken from the King James Version of the Bible! When you have an attitude of gratitude you feel loving, you feel joy you experience peace you endure you are kind and gentle towards others and yourself, you are a good well versed person and all the good things in life will flow to us when we have an attitude of Gratitude. 

Day 10: 20th January 2012 last night I met the lady that was to be my roommate. She was a sweet older lady, or at least she seemed older because of her life choices, she was harmless to others but killing herself, a self-confessed chronic alcoholic whose only son was in the mater hospital recovering from a road accident and needed lots of operations. She was originally from Co Carlow. I could see the pain in her eyes and you could tell behind her weather beaten face her true beauty. Every now and then she’d remember a happy time and smile. It was electric, I could feel myself welling up every time that happened.

Now she spends her days in train stations tapping people for money! I'd learnt a new word to add to my homeless education. I didn't know what tapping was, well my understanding was when you want someone attention you tap them on the shoulder, now tapping had a different definition.

This evening I met my new house sharing peeps. I was informed tomorrow I meet my key worker and I’ll fill in a holistic needs assessment.

There is an insufficient supply of appropriate and affordable homes for people in poverty and people who are homeless. People who experience poverty may live in poor quality private rented housing, have rent arrears, be under eviction proceedings or have no security of tenure. Housing costs such as high rents increase the poverty risk of people living in private rented houses or flats/apartments.

Fast Forward…………27 October 2012
Before I head out I needed to document this experience. Last night whilst waiting for the bus there was a man at the bus stop, he was old and worn out looking, all bent over, had a lot of bags and he looked down n out. I wasn't far wrong. 

Eventually the silence was broken by him saying I hope the bus comes soon I need to get to my hostel by 9:30. We then ended up having a conversation or in other words I started interviewing him :-) 

What an incredible individual. What a non life he had! The system had definitely failed this incredible man. As I shook his hand his beautiful soft caring hand and congratulated him for being sober and off drugs for three years now the smile on his worn out but beautiful face made my light brighter. 

I'm so grateful for the confidence I have back in not being afraid to talk to anyone I meet like this. It makes me see clearer and join the dots. We are all from the same place, we are all responsible. We can all make a difference. Remember there is no law against being good, Kind, loving etc. I know my faith and my religious knowledge has carried me through my homeless journey, I know my homeless experience has made me a more humble person, it’s changed my life for the better. I have met some amazing people whose stories have turned me around and my gratitude for all I have is immeasurable.  

https://www.focusireland.ie/?gclid=CjwKEAjw14mhBRC0vdSNkI2l7CASJAC8OFS0RgIk6C0uBpeaXzIPyjD0dhLBCEPdAnajTgMTnpnW7RoC_e7w_wcB

Love & Kindness

5. Love & Kindness:  Love begins within yourself for yourself and then radiates out to others – Maria Sheridan

When I speak of Love and Kindness here I speak of self-love and being kind to oneself.  There is a song written in the Children’s Primary songbook of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that Illustrates what I am saying the Lyrics are: “I want to be kind to everyone for that is right you see. So I say to myself remember this Kindness begins with ME! If you do not love yourself, or are not kind to yourself then you cannot love beyond yourself! When you are kind to yourself and love yourself your love is Universal and you attract the same in return!

I met a Lady in the homeless section of South Dublin Co Council who initially helped me fill in my registration to Homelessness forms. As I explained before I was placed in a Hostel that was like something out of the dark ages “assured” it was emergency accommodation for a few nights only. I met with a lovely lady who sighed me into the hostel, a procedure that has to take place so the Co Council can have reference to where you are. After I had been given my bed linen and had something to eat I was shown by the security guy where my room was.  I was assigned room 6, to be on my own initially but not guaranteed going forward.  I’m not joking when I say I walked down darkened corridors, hearing people shouting and screaming it was terrifying.  I didn’t sleep at all that night and cried the most of the way through till dawn.

Fast forward to Day 6:

Last night another girl was in the room with me, she informed me she could not afford the rent on her bedsit anymore and so had been evicted. Although she appeared to be compos mentis She proceeded to tell me that she was in fact a Human Angel, she said that her power is low right now as she needs her energy for herself, then she informed me that I had a yellow aura around me, I looked behind me and the wall was painted yellow, YELLOW PAGES YELLOW in fact, so I said “would that have anything to do with the fact that the wall was painted Yellow” she replied ”I did tell you my energy was low” and In fairness with the exposed light bulb that had no shade it’s what possibly offset the glow! Again I didn’t sleep and today January 16th I was exhausted. I had gone to Tara Street Social Welfare exchange and they told me I had to be in Emergency accommodation for Six weeks before they would entertain an application for jobseekers allowance SIX WEEKS!!!! What the heck happened to the “three day rule”, I was between angry and very emotionally exhausted. I later found out that depending on what district your emergency accommodation is in and therefore what exchange you went to the rules could differ….Centralisation my foot, the system is NOT ONE for sure!!!

Day 7: January 17th I had to go all over the place today. I went up to South Dublin Co Council to set my appointment up to get on the emergency housing list. Any one I dealt with was so nice so helpful I have to say. Whilst waiting for the girl that was helping me to come along, a girl with a baby or should I say a child with child was pushing her baby back and forth, she takes a look around the room then says in almost a whisper " does anyone want any blue T-shirts?, I'm looking at her bag and wondering "how the heck would you fit T-shirts into that tiny bag", she couldn't have them in the basket under the child's buggy it's full of shopping, my mind was confused I had no idea where the T-shirts could be. Then it clicked she's talking Drug lingo! Possibly very good I didn't verbalise that thought!! I later found out they are Valium a sleeping pill!! Not really the Education path I want to take but an education all the same!

Day 8: 18th January 2012. No funny stories today EXHAUSTED from lack of sleep, I grab my back pack and head up to my mum n Dads for breakfast and a shower. It's what keeps me going. Especially when my Dad asks “so what's the plan today”? “What’s on the schedule? What forms need filling in and where do you need to go? It's what I needed! Upon my return to the Hostel, I'd gone in as late as I could, got my linen assigned room 6 again and result no one there....at about 8 minutes past midnight no joke I looked at my phone, an unmerciful knock at the door scared me. I heard a man’s voice and told him he was on the wrong side of the building, then I heard him shout SECURITY. VERY Hesitantly I opened the door with my shoulder to the door JUST in case it wasn't security and I had to shut the door in an emergency. It was security with two girls. All I’ll say at this point is they did drugs in the room, I didn't sleep and I'd had enough, “I no longer had the strength to follow this through”. Or so I thought. 

Day 9: 19th January 2012. Well I'd hit the very bottom I hadn't slept in 8 days, I was wiped out, I felt useless, I felt like the worst Mother, the worst friend, the worst everything. I felt of no earthly use and I thought albeit briefly about how great for everyone it would be if I wasn't here and why why why? was I putting myself and my family through this, what could I possibly achieve. It was a very very dark moment, it was a very selfish desperate moment looking back. When I broke down in my parents that morning my parents made me call the homeless unit at south Dublin Co Council, through my tears I told them I couldn't do this any longer, I couldn't stay another night in that hell hole and it really was a hell hole, I explained before the dark corridors leading up to the rooms, screams coming from parts of the house like someone was being tortured, I felt I was in a scene from the dark ages.

After speaking to SDCC……. that evening I was placed into the arms of Crosscare. Going in that door and seeing a kind face, how I was welcomed in, how EVERYONE welcomed me in, I felt more secure and hopeful than I’d felt in a long time. The next day when I met the Wonderful young woman who was one of the managers, she asked me how I was and I told her, “Last night I slept”.  It’s difficult to comprehend, however in taking the steps to declare my homeless state, I was in fact being kind to myself, I was beginning my journey back to myself the me I was happy to be.

http://www.crosscare.ie/index.php/prevention-homelessness-home

Positive Attitude

4. Positive Attitude: “Hard work and perseverance, love of self and working towards a better life for you and those around you sum up a positive and loving attitude” – Maria Sheridan

Being positive has cured many illnesses, saved lives, gained people riches monetarily and otherwise, helped people fulfill dreams given hope when there could have been none, or even just gotten someone through the next moment or hour or day, week , month and year.  To possess an Attitude of Gratitude one must be positively engaged in a good cause, constantly looking to the now and creating a wealth of emotion that will spur you on that will help you to examine all the great things going on in front of you EVEN IF THAT IS THE SIMPLE FACT THAT YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING!

My experience of being in that first Hostel was not very pleasant, and whilst I found ways to help keep me positive and have a good sense of humor, I kept hitting brick walls. I had a few experiences that really scared me and almost broke my spirit. I also had some funny experiences that I took to my parents every day.

DAY 3: 13^th January 2012. I'm sitting on the stairs of the hostel waiting to get out. It's 7 am and the security guy had his bed across the doorway so no one could get out until he got up. It didn't take me long to figure out I was not alone. I heard a guy’s voice say in a thick Dublin accent that at that hour of the morning he resembled that of a lawnmower.... Ahhhh luvvvvvvv speaking through his nose, don't mind me I'm writin a rap! (The lyrics...Emer left me Emer left me we wor on de Luas goin to Tallaght an Emer left me (I thought... Lucky for Emer). Fast forward time to a couple a weeks after to a conversation I had and they said that sounds like Tommy the Junkie rapper on FB. So I YouTube'd him and lo and behold it was him.

Day 4: 14^th January 2014. This morning I went to Castle Street where I would receive an emergency payment until my social welfare Job seekers allowance is set up. It is a depressing looking Building from the outside and not much better on the inside. When it came my turn to enter the cubicle I sat down and waited for someone to arrive, when they appeared I explained my situation and all the emotion welled up inside me, as much as I tried to hold it in, the tears just popped out. The really nice woman Said "Maria this is as low as it gets pet you are on your way up from here". In an abstract way I found that comforting.

Day 5: 15th January 2012... 7am again and I had an appointment with the stairs in the Hallway again. There were other bodies hanging around today. One guy was slouched up against the wall, he looked ill I wasn't sure I should say anything. I was afraid to talk actually. Then I braved it " are you alright" I said in my best Dublin accent, he answered again in a real thick Dublin accent "ahhh I didn't sleep A wink all night two fellas were fighting over a bit of dust on the table"! In my mind I was saying "we'll that's ridiculous two grown men fighting over a bit of dust, you'd imagine they'd get a bit of Mr. sheen and wipe it up"!!!! Thankfully I didn't verbalise that, as quick as I thought it, I as quick realised he was talking drugs and not Mr. Sheen dust! I was learning fast.

My knowledge of the drug culture was not very good, I had some basic Idea of course I did, however names of specific drugs beyond hash, coke and heroin I was not familiar with, and so sometimes terms being used and my interpretation where just not computing.

I was starting to feel like I was making progress, I was starting to feel more in control. However I really hadn't hit rock bottom, the next few days Positive as I was, my life was heading downwards on a slippery slope and there was an air of uncontrollably yet I had an “I will get through this” attitude! 

Family of six made homeless News from the 13/8/2014

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/news/family-of-six-with-twomonthold-baby-girl-left-homeless-in-city-30505865.html

Perspective

3. Perspective:  “Some people complain consistently about their lives; I am grateful that I have experiences that build my character and give it strength.” ― Maria Sheridan

Yes Perspective, let’s face it, Life really is a Rollercoaster, you can feel out of control and dizzy when you get off of one. On the rollercoaster of life we have our up days and our down days. Sometimes even those of us with the full use of all our faculties, limbs, sight, hearing etc., loose our focus, loose our sense of perception and perspective, maybe we have developed the poor me syndrome, or are feeling sorry for ourselves, have gotten into a rut or our circumstances are just out of synch with the universe either way things have to change in order to live.

Jairek Robbins once said at a Life Lasting Success Seminar “look at your life through the eyes of a Blind person” in that alone we can find perspective.  When you have that desire for gratitude and your thoughts are right and you have that perspective then the word Impossible does not exist it becomes IM-Possible. In My experience I look for solutions, focusing on the problem doesn’t sit right with me so I tend to become resourceful. In my recent experience of being homeless which as I have mentioned was through a relationship breakdown. I was placed into awful circumstances; however, having some perspective on the situation gave me an advantage, to me it was a starting point.

The frightening part as I have mentioned was the fact that the majority of the people in the initial Hostel I stayed in were indeed people who needed support with addictions or how to cope with illness, they were women and indeed men who had come from physically violent relationships, had been abused in some way shape or form. At this point in my life I did not fit those categories at this time I didn’t have to deal with those issues. Yes I’ll say it again I was homeless “In a state of transition”, not homeless “In a state of being”. Do I think that sets me apart, not at all, I believe wholeheartedly that NO ONE human being should have to live the way we were all living. It was disheartening to even the most positive person.

My perspective was I’m alive today and each day for a reason. The people I met that couldn’t or wouldn’t speak out spurred me on to speak out for them and I am happy to do so. Every human being is entitled to some basic rights to living on this planet, there are treaty’s in place to back this up.

The 'invisible' homeless, people who live in emergency accommodation, in shelters, hostels, refuges, in B&Bs or double share with friends and relatives, make up about 10 times the number of people sleeping rough. They are also without a home and in need of help. We believe that homelessness in Ireland can be ended. By an end to homelessness we mean no one will have to sleep rough because of a lack of appropriate services, no one will have to live in emergency accommodation for longer than is an emergency, and no one will become homeless due to a lack of services or inadequate housing provision. - Simon Community  http://simonstandanddeliver.ie/

I believe this too. The stats are that ANY ONE OF US ( and I say us because I’m still not out of the woods, I still live pay cheque to pay cheque), Yes anyone of us are one to two pay cheques away from becoming homeless! How’s that for perspective!!!

Isn’t it strange that princes and kings and clowns that caper in Sawdust rings

And ordinary people like you and me are builders of Eternity.

Each is given a bag of tools, a shapeless mass and a book of rules.

And each must make err life is flown, a stumbling block or a stepping stone. – Anon

Thoughts

2. Thoughts  “At home in my head my thoughts become the product of my dreams and my dreams the power behind my thoughts. See it, Say it, Believe it, Become it! – Maria Sheridan 

Thoughts can project you to “your” Success.  There are gazillions of books on positive thinking I have read many of them and they all talk about the power of thought and the strength of thought.  In 2012 when I was made homeless through a relationship breakdown. My thoughts and focus where so intense I made up my Vision Board and focused on getting my apartment so my daughter could be back living with me, that we would have a home together.  Miracles happened that made my homeless stay a short one.

We have the power to control our thoughts not only that but through our thoughts we can attract so MANY good things just by thinking of all the things we are grateful for. I heard it said that our mind is like a stage and we are the casting directors, the characters you bring onto that stage are to your choosing, what do you want your play to be? Do you want your play to be a roaring success? YES of course YOU DO...WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE WHAT THOUGHTS WE ENTERTAIN!

When I was Homeless and placed into a homeless Hostel it was like living something out of the dark ages.  This was the first place I stayed in. Although this place was rough, dark, frightening, depressing and dreary a really nice woman explained the rules, I don't even think I heard her though, I was numb, I was scared. I was shown into the dining area, they gave me some Spaghetti Bolognaise and a chocolate pudding. As I sat down to eat I could hear conversation around me but I kept my head down, I didn't want to engage I didn't want to make eye contact I just wanted to go to my room, I could feel the emotion and tears welling up. I finished eating, received my bed linen and was shown to my room. Room 6 a small dorm, filthy but warm, I cried most of the night and didn't really sleep. I got out as early as I could next morning and headed over to my parents for a shower and breakfast.I decided to find something funny about my situation every day, yes I had dark days however my thoughts were uplifted by the funny situations, I found my light for now. 

Desire

1. "Desire, an inside yearning for all that is possible" – Maria Sheridan !

Desire to me is an unyielding craving, which just won’t go away unless you do something about it. It's not a Bad thing at least not from my perspective. Desire can be so strong you almost experience what you desire... you can almost taste, feel and touch what you desire it feels almost tangible, it’s a feeling beyond want; it’s there within your grasp you just have to reach out and take it.  The Dictionary states “The fact or condition of desiring; that emotion which is directed to the attainment or possession of some object from which pleasure or satisfaction is expected; longing, craving; a wish; a petition;” - Oxford English Dictionary. You need a desire to have an attitude of Gratitude; you need to desire it so much that you are creating a thought process that will not only enable you desire it but to have it. It is then you take action and put it into practice. The more you practice the more perfected at it you become. And then there's the reality! 

My Desire was to have my own independence back to have somewhere I could call home. From where I stood I was beginning to wonder would that ever be again, I was so low, however determined to succeed.

11th January 2012 I went back to Focus Ireland. I had been there Christmas Eve 2011 to pick up a hamper and register with them for help. The very nice girl helped me fill out some forms. I remember looking around that frosty Christmas eve morning at the people in the Focus cafe and feeling sorry for them, then I realised I was one of them. Technically I was homeless. I'd been staying at a friend’s home but I was actually homeless. I cried all the way back to my friend’s house. Now it was 11th January I have pocket change and no home. The very professional and very nice girl in Focus advised me to go and register with the Homeless agency at South Dublin Co Council. My Dad accompanied me, to be honest he was my angel that day, he was my strength. It was by far the deepest hole I'd ever been in! or at least it felt that way that day. 

What is Homelessness?

The Housing Act 1988 defines a homeless person as somebody who has no reasonable accommodation to live in or lives in a hospital, institution or night shelter because of a lack of home. Different types of homelessness include visible homelessness - on the streets, sleeping rough, in shelters; hidden homelessness - in temporary, insecure, low quality or overcrowded housing with relatives or friends; living in bed and breakfast accommodation, and squatting.

I had been couch hopping for long enough, in what seemed me going backwards I was in fact going forwards, like I said before and you'll hear me say this again and again.  I was homeless in Transition not in a State of being. This is a new and not so new homelessness that is going to be seen more and more because of the economy and other circumstances. Its hidden, the numbers are frightening and its potential to grow is horrific. 

I was homeless not hopeless, worn out not worn down, I was lost in transition not lost altogether, my positive steps got larger with each success and everyday I woke up to a new day was a new success.

New Beginnings

“Cultivate an attitude of Gratitude though soulful thinking and spiritual discovery of self-worth” – Maria Sheridan 

Over two years now and I never would have imagined my life would be as it is today. 2012 had its highs and lows. I experienced awful circumstances; however, to me it was a starting point, a new beginning.

January 2012 I declared myself Homeless. I felt ashamed, I felt like a failure, I felt useless depressed, my confidence was just trashed.

I thought I’m not a drug addict, I’m not a drinker, I’m not a battered wife, I’m not a mental Health patient so I’ll be put into a B&B….I was wrong. I was put into a Hostel. It was so dirty, grim, dark, draining and flea ridden I’m sure, just an awful place.

The frightening part was the fact that most of the people in the initial Hostel I stayed in were indeed people who needed support with addictions or how to cope with illness etc. I did not fit that category as I don’t have to deal with those issues. I felt out of my depth, I was homeless in in a state of transition not homeless in a state of being.

My experiences of being in that first place were not very pleasant, I was scared, and whilst I found ways to help keep me positive and have a good sense of humor about it all, I kept hitting brick walls. I had a few experiences that really frightened me and very nearly broke my spirit. I witnessed young girls taking drugs. It was the straw that broke the Camel’s back.

On the 19th of Jan 2012 I called Dublin SCC Homeless Unit and told them I could not do this anymore and that I’d rather be on the streets. The Girl looking after me there asked for me not to take any action and that she would get back to me. That Thursday, the 19th, I was placed into the arms of Crosscare.

What I have gained from this experience (and I will go into more detail on this) is far beyond any riches or accolades. I have now a home, I have a wonderful daughter who loves me, a wonderful supportive family, amazing friends, great faith and support from my Church, self-awareness, confidence, and I breathe life and love it!  

It is said everything begins with a desire, everything begins with a thought and the belief in that thought is very powerful indeed then comes the blueprint and the creation. I have a Desire for life! I also have a huge desire to write a book, a formula so to say, a process in which to help you gain and assist you in your gaining your attitude of gratitude.  In 2003 I climbed Carrauntoohil for Charity for the 2003 Special Olympics held in Ireland. Carrantuohill is the highest peak in Ireland. Located in County Kerry, it is 1,038 metres high and is the central peak of the Macgillycuddy Reeks range. We climbed up the Devils Face which is pretty steep up and down! (Quite frightening). On the way there and back from the summit, we had to cross a creek and there where stepping Stones. Each step was a challenge as each stepping stone was different in size shape and diameter.  This memory and thought came to me as I was writing, in all my experience I have been though, it was Gratitude that saw me through. Gaining a Gratitude Attitude takes commitment, each step is different and presents a different set of tasks, and each step takes on a different shape with its own particular challenges. I therefore have written “12 Stepping stones, (12 Chapters) to gaining a Gratitude Attitude” this also presents a step for each month of the year this only being the subtitle. My Books Main Title is undecided, however non-the-less well and truly on the way. Watch this Space.  

Finding Myself

Finding Myself

“I think you travel to search and you come back home to find yourself there.” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Sixteen and seventeen became a time of huge change in my life; I was attending church services in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, more commonly known as the Mormon Church. I enjoyed going to the Mormon Services, my life’s questions were being fed the way I needed and I felt I was with people of like-mindedness. No one forced me to attend no one stuck me in a room and brainwashed me, I could come and go as I pleased and it pleased me, I felt it was where I belonged, I fit in. At 18 I was baptized a member.

At aged 21 I served a Mission for the Church in the Scotland Edinburgh Mission, January 1988 to June 1989, it was like 10 years’ experience in 19 Months, that’s right I was there for 19 months not 18 it was the way it worked out, it ship shaped me into real life. It was tough being away from family and friends and all things familiar, however I adapted to my new environment fairly quickly and when time to leave I missed my Scottish families and all that had become my normal, going home to a lot of uncertainty was quite daunting.

I settled back eventually, and then the tornado began, got a job in a shoe shop, got married, got pregnant, lost the baby at 13 weeks August 20 1990, then in October 1993 I became pregnant again I gave birth in July 1994 to Rebekah Barrett my beautiful daughter of now 20 years of age. (Rebekah is now serving a Mission herself for our Church in the Massachusetts Boston Mission). In 2000 I and Rebekah’s Dad divorced. Very quickly after I was Married again and now looking back in retrospect that was not a clever move. However it was congruent with my life’s pattern. I was a needy, under confident self-loathing mess of a human. It wasn’t until my friend Aoife pointed out my mess and got me to really look at myself that I realised all was not well. I was not well. Then life took a turn for the better in an abstract way. I say Abstract because I was still a mess and would be for a while to come.

So Many things where spiraling out of control in my life, I didn’t know who I was anymore or at least didn’t recognise the woman in the mirror. I tried counseling, reading self-help books, alternative therapies all of which helped but it’d be a long time until I woke up. (As a side note, another friend of mine emailed me one day, a day I was in my bed feeling sorry for myself, My second husband had walked out of my life literally and Donna Kennedy said in her fb message, what 10 things are you grateful for today? Through tears and pain I struggled to write them but the POWER in doing so has me to this day writing my 10 things I'm grateful for. The Power in being grateful is outstanding! “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”  - Marcus Tullius Cicero)

An opportunity to help a friend out whilst she helped me arose. That began my journey around the USA, Australia and Canada still my head full of mush. I really was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I thought everything I believed in had GONE, I felt ALONE even though I was surrounded, I was in a dark place in a room with no doors, that’s how I felt with all the rubbish going on in my head.

By the time my travels where over so was my second marriage and I’d lost everything and I mean everything. I remember saying this to my best friends Dad and he said I know you think you have hit Rock Bottom but I don’t think you have yet, but you’ll know when you have and then there’s only two things you can do climb up or stay at the bottom and die.  I felt like I had died. 

The Early Days

The Early Days

Continuation of the Beginning

"Life as we know it doesn't have to be, life as we Make it is how it should be" - Maria Sheridan 

At first school in Ireland was great. I never really thought I had an accent, a liverpudlian one that is. In Liverpool they said I had an Irish accent, in Dublin they said I had a liverpudlian accent, NOW no one could guess really where I’m from,  I have traveled that much I guess my accent is pretty neutral. So any opportunity to read out loud or say a prayer out loud I was often volunteered, as the other Children in my class just wanted to hear me talk. It was great at that time to be asked to talk rather than being asked to be quiet...Mrs Coffey was history. Miss Beannacht was now my new teacher who embraced my enthusiasm. I was often asked why I always pronounced my g’s like at the end of going or roaring, lightening etc., I guess it was just my dialect.

In Secondary school the bullies appeared again. It wasn't as intense as was in the UK. What happened in the UK….I’m not entirely sure WHY they chose me to bully, if it wasn't me it was going to be someone else, you never really can get into a Bullies head to know the why often it’s a power thing, a control thing, because they’re so out of control in their own environments. EVERY night it felt there was a gang not just one or two a proper full on Gang waiting in the lane-way where I had to pass to go home. I can even remember their names still.  (as a side note, I’d like to say I went to Liverpool with my family back in April this year 2014 after not being back since leaving Liverpool in 1978 and we visited the area, I felt nothing just free of the fear of going back, it was a great and a sad visit, great to spend with family sad to see how empty and derelict the area had become, I felt no loss).

I really thought when we moved all the bullying was over, sadly I seemed I attracted them, I hence became the person who invents other family members just to deter them. We had a couple of guys stay at our Youth Hostel in Mountjoy Square and I pretended they were my brothers and threatened the bullies that my brothers would come down and sort them out.  I knew if I had of asked Tommy and Nikko to come sort them out they would. The girls backed off somewhat they only lashed out every now and then. All I wanted was to get along with everyone, confusing enough though, I didn't want to be part of a click, I felt for the underdog, I didn't want to be popular either, I just wanted to go about my business and go home, I was the underdog though, I didn't really feel like I fit in, however I thought I was a master of disguise, I thought I could mix with them all ……I wasn't so foxy as others…. I knew I’d have make a decision someday and walk my own journey. I decided to just keep my head down and not look right or left, do my work, not really answer too many questions even if I knew the answers in class, I tried to melt into the background.  I just wasn't fitting into a particular group, it was tough very tough. I then started questioning things always asking why but only when something got to me so much I couldn't keep quiet and then I’d be like a dog with a bone. You’d think in school this would be welcomed however it was to my detriment especially in Religion class, I was out the door more than I was in. Our Head Master even pleaded with me to just listen and not ask the Nun too many questions outside of the curriculum as it was just too upsetting for her, basically if it wasn't in the curriculum it didn't exist. If I wanted to know the mysteries of god I was told to become a Nun….(REALLY) My quest to find truth began very young so I knew more that I realised myself, by this time my ability to attract the bullies died down for a while!